BSG S1

[AdmiralDigby]

http://www.quartertothree.com/game-talk/showpost.php?p=2090784&postcount=28



Here, let me save you some time and give you every single episode of the first season:


(Scene: Outer space somewhere as two Vipers fly by the camera. Note to Cinematography/CGI: Use shaky-cam shot technique we stole from Firefly so it'll look like authentic space fighter footage. You know, like the space fighter footage from WWII)

Apollo: Wow, Starbuck, you sure are awesome.
Starbuck: That's because I'm fraking awesome.
Apollo: I think that's what I just said.
Starbuck: I know, but the writers don't want anyone to forget it. By the way, I'm awesome.
Apollo: I know. I just wish I was as awesome as you.
Starbuck: Never going to happen. I'm too frackin' awesome.

(Scene: Galactica CIC. Adama and Tigh stand over a lighted table. Note to set design: to save money, we're going to reuse the seedy nightclub set from Undercover Strippers 2, and just put up a few Plexiglas panels and flatscreen TVs and call it a day.)

Adama: Mumble grumble grumble mumble *scowls*
Tigh: You heard the man, Starbuck! *pulls out flask and starts drinking*
Starbuck: (over radio. Note to SFX: make sure to add so much static and reverb to all radio chatter so that it's almost completely unintelligible): Galactica, this is Starbuck. I'm not going to follow that order because I'm so awesome.
Tigh: *tosses back three tequila shooters* Damnit, Starbuck, that was a direct ord--
Adama: mumble grumble MUMBLE! *scowls harder*
Tigh: Yes, I know she's the best pilot in the fleet... Not to mention the best poker player, and she's also the best sniper, and the best boxer, and the best tactician, and we use her to interrogate prisoners instead of sending in trained interrogators, and sometime next season she'll be able to beat the captain of a professional Pyramid team in a game of Pyramid, not to mention beat up a Cylon in hand to hand combat when it's been established that they're much stronger and faster than us, and she can drink everyone, even me, a man who's made a career out of drinking for 50 years, under the table, but that doesn't mean she can--
Adama: *knowing scowl*
Tigh: Alright, I'll back off, but just this one time, but trust me, she's a fracking menace! *begins chugging from a clay jug with three 'X's on the side*
Adama: Mumble grumble!
Tigh: Right. I forgot that she's also a talented painter.
Apollo (over radio): Hey, I'm out here too, you know. You could try giving me an order to disobey.
Tigh: And you would be...?
Apollo (over radio): Apollo.
Tigh: ... Sorry, not ringing any bells.
Apollo (over radio): Lee Adama? Commander Adama's son?
*Tigh and Adama share confused looks for a long moment.*
Tigh: Never heard of you before. Put Starbuck back on. She's awesome. *Tigh opens every tab on a six pack of beer, then empties it over his head*

(Scene: Galactica corridor. Baltar and Imaginary Cylon Girlfriend are standing, talking, as a crowd of confused onlookers walk by)

Baltar: I don't know, Imaginary Cylon Girlfriend, I'm starting to think people might think I'm a Cylon.
Imaginary Cylon Girlfriend: Well, you are the only person in the entire series with an English accent. That's sorta suspicious, if you ask me.
Baltar: I just speak with an English accent so that the viewers will know I'm supposed to be smart! I'm not a Cylon!
ICGF: Ok, sure, whatever.
Baltar: ...But.. but what if I am a Cylon?
ICGF: Don't care. I'm imaginary, remember?
Baltar: ...But I can't be a Cylon...
Random Guard: Are you Ok, Dr. Baltar?
Baltar: *startled jump* Um... yes... I... Why wouldn't I? Are you saying I'm a Cylon?
Random Guard: No, it's just that you've been standing in this crowded corridor having an animated conversation with yourself for over an hour now.
Baltar: *blinks* Have I? Well... I'm not a Cylon!
Random Guard: Actually, you're the only person who's been saying that, Doctor.
ICGF: He's right, you know. You are sorta acting like a lunatic.
Random Guard: Anyway, I just stopped by to let you know that for some reason, we've all decided to trust you implicitly and maybe elect you to be our leader later in the season. I'll let you get back to talking to yourself in public now.
Baltar: Er... Thanks. By the way, I'm not a Cylon! Or suspicious! Or a Human!
ICGF: *sighs* Can't you at least try to imagine that I'm played by a better actress?
Baltar: Wait, what was that last one I said?


(Scene: Galactica Flight Deck. Note to set design: We only have two full sized Viper mock ups, so make sure to use a lot of steam and stuff to make it look like we have more, and for heaven's sake, never let the cast walk more than 10 feet from them or the Raptor)

Boomer: Hi! I'm Boomer! In the original series, I was an African American man, but now I'm a hot young Asian Canadian woman!
Tyrol: Why is that?
Boomer: Changing gender and/or ethnicity of existing characters is Chapter One in The Lazy Hack's Guide To 'Reimagining' Old Intellectual Property. Besides, it skews better to our target demographic: recovering anime pervs.
Tyrol: Well, at least you were in the original series.
Boomer: Hey, you're probably the most likable character in the show. What does that say about the source material?
Tyrol: That the writers are determined to destroy people's childhood heroes in a hamfisted attempt to make the show gritty and hard edged?
Boomer: Exactly! Say, want to go make out?
Tyrol: Sure, but only if you promise to spring a poorly executed plot twist on me sometime later this season.
Boomer: Deal! Hey, speaking lazy reimaginings, looks like Starbuck and some other person are about to land.
Tyrol: Man, that Starbuck sure is awesome, isn't she?
Boomer: *laughing* You can say that again!
Tyrol: I will! Starbuck sure is awesome!

[Spooky]

Besides, it skews better to our target demographic: recovering anime pervs.

[AdmiralDigby]

Besides, it skews better to our target demographic: recovering anime pervs.